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As your mother

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It's very rewarding to see you finally embraced Thai massage legacy with such passion on your own.

 

I am not a millionaire mother. I do not have a lot of material wealth to give you. Except leaving you this Thai heritage for your future endeavors and livelihood after I left the planet.

 

As you aging, you want to let this heritage distinctive, or pass this legacy onto your children, to serve and heal others and the society we live in, It is your choice. Do what you happy. I have no expectation on the path you want to take. After all It's your journey, not mine to claim ownership.

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I as a mother, has no control over you. I can only raise you by sharing my life experiences, wisdom, know how, and some informations I get to learn and know of. To guide you and offer you the opportunities to grow and be a decent human being. I can not force, decide, act or control you to do anything against your own will.

 

When you get older as you ages you will know;

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You are your own savior.

No one can save you but yourself. No one can and no one may. You yourself must walk the path.  

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​I thank you for listening to your gut and being honest with your feelings.

 

Thank you for your trust in me by sharing your feelings, what you like and don't like. So we can figure it out together.

 

Thank you for changing your mind not to continue in industrial field. Your honesty save us a lot of time, energy and resources from doing something you do not feel safe, secure, thinking it might bring you happiness and material success.

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As you get older. You will learn there are thousands of paths to climb up to the top of a mountain view. It does not matter what path and how long it might take you to get to that top view.

 

But once you get up there at the top. You will learn that It is quite boring, not as great and as fun as you once thought or imagine. Then you will want to climb a new mountain high, as your body yearning for another dopamine boost. 

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You will learn it is more enjoyable, fun and challenge while you're climbing along the path, not when you are at the top because you get to realized not everybody willing to be there with you even those you loved, and those who said they love you and care for you.

 

But in that boredom and lonesome moments, you will get to enjoy total freedom and inner peace without anyone dramas and madness.

 

And that same freedom and solitude will get you feel like an outcast. Will get you feel abandoned. And you will get a lot of rocks throwing at you, wanting to hurt you, take you down to the same level because there are people who like to compare themself to you while you simply doing you, stay in your own lane, focusing on the path you're taking.

 

When they see you're going up and up, higher and higher. Some people will feel left behind because of their own insecurity, belief system, attitude, intentions and actions. Then they will want to get rid of you, because you trigger their demons, insecurity, fears, jealousy, victim mindset and self-sabotaging.

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Your focus and determination will make some people feel weak and small, as they compare themselves to you, letting their own monkey mind consume their souls, while you're focusing on your path, not them, not their thoughts, not their belief nor their feelings.

 

You simply doing you, letting everyone be happy where they are at and wanted to be, while you're busy climbing the mountain high.

 

But that self-control and self-focus you have held, will intimidated a lot of people from that lack within themselves.

 

You will learn along your path; some people will cheer you up quietly from a distance as they do not want to feel judged, wishing they could do more than just talking, having you in their thoughts and sending a quiet good wish your way.

 

You will learn, very few people or perhaps none is willing to be there at your rock bottom with you. A few might willing to trade their time, energy, security and comforts for your uncertainty and unknown future.

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And you will learn, those who see your potentials and strength of how far you have reached, would feel entitled of your time, energy, resources and respect that they didn't even put any affords to earn the same respect they want from you.

 

But somehow, having the audacity to request you to own up their fears, weakness, insecurity, burdens, lacks, incapable, hardships, belief systems, norms, standards, intentions, thoughts, attitudes, past actions, mistakes and laziness which is not yours to begin with.

 

Somehow, wanting you to take ownership of all that for their own comforts and advantage. Wanting your cake and eat it too. Thinking your time, energy and all that you have to offer belong to them.

 

They will starting to say they missed you. They have so much good time with you then when you're once a group member in the same social circles.

 

That somehow think they have the right to claim your loyalty. That you should give them a second chance to get what make them happy or lack thereof. But then you happened to realized they were not there at your rock bottom when you needed the most. 

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That you will learn if you stay, the more self-comflicted, less self-esteem, less confident and less inner peace you would have and feel drained eventually.

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That you will learn, nobody trashes your name more than someone who's afraid you will tell the truth about them.

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You will learn, once you see the truth. You can't unsee it. That you will want to isolate yourself and keep a distance from those illusions. As you knew now, they are not align with your truths and who you are within. That you will not want anything to do with it, as you value your peace and won't trade it with with someone who underrated your peace.

 

That others will start making up the stories that you are boring, dark, sneaky, cold hearted, harsh, selfish, must do something bad behind the scene, having secret because you do not want to be with them where they are at. Because they can no longer get your attentions and all that you have to offer.

That they will start to accuse on any and every little flaws you might have. Or pursue you and others to think, belief and feel the way they felt about you. So their feelings and existence get validated and accept in their social group.

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Somehow, It's your responsibility to fulfill their emotional, physical and spiritual needs, etc.

 

When that happens, you will see who is a narcissist, psychopath, sociopath, flying monkeys, opportunist, manipulator, your friend and who is your frenemy.

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That, you will get to learned, those who let go of the drama has no friend.

 

That you will also learn, your silence speaks louder than words and is very powerful. As you have learned and knew, everything will become clear when you are in stillness.

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You will learn, your silent, high EQ, intuition and your inner strength will trigger a lot of insecurity, abandonment issues and childhood wounds that humans don't even realize they have had.

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That you will learn, you have no control over anyone or anything. All you can do is let them be happy with their thoughts and where they are at. That you will learn when one door closed the other door open, always.

 

​You will learn, honesty, sincerity and loyalty is a very expensive gift that you should not give to anyone who do not see those values within you.

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You will learn, respect and all that is, must be earned, not given.

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You will learn the difference between codependency and interdependency. And you will learn codependency dynamics is very toxic for your well-being as it will limit your growth and expansion.

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And you will learn nobody is your friend, as many millionaires and influencers preaching and sharing their experiences with the younger generations on youtube channel.

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And you will learn, if you cannot find anyone to walk with you, be like an elephant who roam the jungle alone but bring your wisdom with you, as the Buddha once said.

 

As you age, you will learn that it is exactly what you should do when you do not know what to expect along your journey. You just have to do what you have to do and keep walking.

 

You will learned the first step is always the hardest. But just do it, like Nike's slogan.

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You will learn, there is no right or wrong who you want to become, and which path you want to take.

 

You will learn, you have freedom to choose at any moment. To have fun, to enjoy the rides or suffering from your own monkey minds. To follow the mass. To compare yourself to others. To live under someone else standards and belief or be true to yourself.

 

We're all have free will to choose, to practice self-love, self-sabotage or self-destructive. To be a creator or destroyer.

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You will learn; knowledge is expensive but not knowing is more expensive than the knowledge.

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That when you know more; you will learn that you know nothing and there are a lot more to learn.

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And you will learn; the more you know, the more you will feel vulnerable to the Unknown.

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And you will learn;  your life itself is a magic. It has its way to humble you in anyway possible.

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That you will learn; you are not the real deal. You are not that shit. Your body is.

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And you will learn; the mind is not over the matters. You will learn; mind, body, spirits work hand in hand in every single moment you breath trying to seek a harmonious state within themselves. 

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You will learn; we all can feel and express our feelings, whether happiness, sadness, guilt, anxiety, depression and that is ok. Feelings and emotions are part of humans' experiences that we can share with the world, so everyone can learn from them.

 

But you will also learn; we can feel it all but we should not let them consume you. You can keep walking while crying. There is no shame in expressing negative energy out of our system to find the balance. It is healthy for your system to let out the tears or negative energy that builds up in your body. Nobody has a say on how you feel and what to do with your body. Just make sure you let go of negative feelings as soon as you can, to bring back chemical balance to your system as soon as you can. Do not let others' perception consume you. 

 

If you ever get to be up there but feeling lonesome as you have no true friend with you. That you want to have some fun to vanish your boredom. You can surely throw a rope down for your excitement or pull it backup for your own inner peace as you wish. The freedom is yours.

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But since you get to see the mountain top view now. You already took your own medicine. You got to befriend with your own fears, insecurity, abandonment and inner strength along the path you took. You know now how it feels to be at the rock bottom as you've been down there before you get your high.

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Along your paths, you already learned the lessons and knew all the struggles, bruised, bled, trips and turns when no one around. You got scars, skills and reminders. You have learned who, what, where, when, how, and why you should let go and let god.

 

That you will learn you cannot save anyone against their own willingness and acknowledgement but yourself. That all you can do is let them go, let them be happy where they want to be.

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You know now, not everybody can focus their breathing while hiking to the top. You have learned now who you are, who you are not.

That you will learn how addictive the happy hormones in your system are. That they will triggered you to do more and do better than yesterday without your consent. Your own bodily chemical needs and longing of those happy hormones will control you. You will become your own slave if you are not conscious enough about your inner being.

 

You will learn, histories always repeat themselves over and over throughout your life. That you will say to yourself. Nah.. here we go again.. same itch, on different faces, different days. That you would want to become a Unicorn, or disappear.

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You will learn who is your friend who is your frenemy. Who is your supporter or an opportunist. Who is passive-aggressive and egotistic. Who is an energy vampire who is an enabler. Who is a golden child who is a Wednesday child or scapegoat. Who is an abuser, predator, or a true victim, survivor, warrior, true humanitarian, a hero, manipulator, sociopath, psychopath, narcissist and their flying monkey.

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You will learn all these acts and characters throughout your life especially when you are climbing the mountain alone without group support, trying to not fall apart nor bother anyone.

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That once you are up and too far high. You will hear the echo of everyone's noise saying they know you, they know who you are, they are your friend, try to be your friend, want to get closer if you let them. Making up the stories of what you do and don't, what you like or don't.

 

Everybody will tell your stories, judging you at your bottom rocks before you take a leap of faith. Thinking they know you better than yourself. Telling stories that are not even relevant to you, to anyone and everyone in their circles. Thinking their own belief, life experiences, norms, and standards are truth. Of course it is true, because that is their truth, not yours.

 

They even tell you who you are and who you are not, pointing fingers at you on the public front. We've seen this scenario happening to celebs, influencers and billionaire all the times, on and off social medias.

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But you should know that one's perception is a mere projection. A reflection of one own upbringings, social circles, belief system, attitudes, perceptions, life experiences, group influence, norms and standards.

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It's not yours. Not your truth. Do not take that ownership thinking their reality is yours.

 

Do not take anything personal. Do not lose your self - focus. You do you, let them do theirs.

 

Let their karma (intentions, thoughts, words, actions) compensate their inputs.​ What they give, they shall receive. Good, bad, ugly, or sneaky. Let their energy speak their truth. Let yours speak for itself over times.

 

Do not let anyone project their self-centeredness, selfishness, laziness and greed on your self-focus. These are two different things. And you will learn to notice the difference between self-center and self-focus as you walk your paths.

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There are two sides of the same coin to take. You want to be a co-creator or a destroyer it is your choice.

 

Both sides of the same coin will give you challenges, enjoyment, happiness, anxiety and sufferings while having human experiences on earth. No path is perfect or other vice. After all, it's nobody's journey. It's yours. Do what you happy.

 

You want to thrive and evolved. To cherish others along the path you take and be there with one another, to blend in, get accepted, validated and comfortable among your peers. Or to get there faster alone to leave behind your foot printed for the younger generations. It's your choice.

 

The freedom is yours. Do not listen to what anyone have to say. Whether good, bad, ugly, mistakes or greatness. Listen to your heart. Own it. Do not complain nor point finger. It's your life. Your lessons, your karma that need to be learned.

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You will learn when you should detach from thoughts, ego, self and others. And when to put all of that to rest for your own inner peace.

 

You will learn we're all have free will to operate with positive energy or vice versa. It's your choice. Everybody get to choose their own path. The power is in your hands, not others'

 

You will learn, no one can control anybody, have a say or judge you and anyone. So do you.

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You will learn, histories always repeat itself, no matter what said and done.

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You will learn life is more enjoyable and less stressed when you detach from expectations and outcome.

 

You will learn all you need is self-focus and breathing.

 

You will learn detachment is a top form virtue that very few people can handle.

 

You will learn detachment will liberate you, not bondage.

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You will learn you live in the world but not of the world.

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You will learn honesty, sincerity, trustworthy is a virtue; a pure form of energy and rare qualities on earth that will get you far and wide beyond one life time if you are aware of your own doings (karma) and surroundings. Knowing who to give in, who to withdraw your equation, for humanity sake.

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You will learn how your small gestures and focus intention can serve the society at large, that in return your pure energy will serve you and save you from harms and darkness.

 

That you will surprised how powerful your mind is. That you will be very cautious of your own thoughts and wishful thinking because you have learned and knew you're a very powerful being.

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And you will learn, just having you yourself is enough. You do not need more or less. Just you and your conscious is more than enough.

 

That you will learn, your thoughts can heal or kill others. That you can even stop the rain or ask for, if you focus your mind and visualize.

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That you wish not to have negative thoughts as you know it will raise cortisol level in your system to harm yourself.

 

That you will learn high level of cortisol is simply your own doing (karma) from negative thoughts and bad intentions; what you put out, will come back to bite your ass with serious sickness and unfortunate circumstances.

 

So be mindful of your own monkey minds. Realize when it's coming, catch it, empty it, let it go as soon as you possibly can, for your own healthy body, mind and spirits.

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You will learn, to serve others on a large scale you need to get enlightened. To get that enlightened you will need to let go of everything you fear to lose.

 

And you will learn, who is worth giving your time, energy, honesty, sincerity, loyalty, and love. Or take it back when their energy is too heavy and do not reciprocated with yours.

 

You will learn karma (your intentions, thoughts, words and actions) is a real bitch; you yourself are, as you aging. Whether a good karma or the opposite side of spectrum.

 

You will learn that karma is a universal law that apply to all. No race, no age, no color, no gender, no religious to be considered.

 

Your good and bad deeds will determine your fate. You reap what you sow. That is just how energy work.

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If you noticed. Energy is very contagious. If you being friendly and smile, people trend to reflex that energy back at you.

 

But be very careful of those nice smiles, backhanded compliment, sweet talkers, politeness, fake kindness, fake compassionate, superiority complex, passive-aggressive, covert and vulnerable narcissist.

 

Be very careful when someone tells you they can help you. They will be there for you when you need some help. There are humans who use the words helping each other and giving, to draw others in their manipulation game and self-gain. Be very careful.

 

You will learn; the first time is a mistake. Second time is a choice as you should give people the benefit of the doubt. More than twice is a pattern, that you must let go. That you should know; a giver needs to put the limit because the taker never does.

 

Do not take gifts, food or help from anyone who offers, quickly. There are opportunists who use vulnerable individuals for their own self interests, to claim ownership over your loyalty, honesty and sincerity. We have seen this everywhere on an individual scale and globally. With NGO, UN, pharmaceuticals, health industries, food industries, etc. Playing a hero and victim game, operating with superiority complexes are everywhere. Be very careful.

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Sugar and Salt look alike.

You can only tell the different once you taste them in your mouth. So be observant and look closely before take them in. Do not let people take your kindness and friendliness for weakness.

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Be very careful of wolf in sheep's clothing, god complex, heroic and victim mentality. Do not judge the book by its cover. Gold and glitter look similar.

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You will learn, when you work in a service industry, behind a closed door, in one on one setting, where no one is around, no mask is required in front of others. You will see a lot of humans true characters. Male, female, LGTBQ+, race, age, color, social hierarchy doesn't matter. Never let anyone take your niceness for weakness. Including your own family and me. Your respect must be earned, not given freely by request without reciprocating your energy. Vice versa.

 

Your gut feelings never lie. Your body is very intelligent. Your heart is very strong. The heart can vibrate its frequency to the moon and back. Your heart have radars, it can detect the good, bad, ugly and sneaky energy around you. Do not let others take your compassionate for granted. Be moderate and reciprocal.

 

As you are ageing, you will learn there is no point to be anything, do anything to please anyone.

 

You will learn you are here on earth to balance the energy being played in the past.

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You will learn, we are a mirror. We are here to reflect and introspect our past actions (karma).

 

You will learn your task is to watch the shows, not to play nor take any role. And when the show is over you can just leave the theater. Knowing ah.. just another moment I could waste my time and breathing to kill the boredom.

 

Practice discernment. Be detached not bondage with any story telling.

 

You will learn when and with who to put your ego up. To keep yourself safe from harm and negative energy. When and with who to put your ego down to rest for your own peace of mind.

 

You will learn it feels so much better to be a warrior in the garden, not a gardener in the war.

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As you age, you will learn everything on earth is meaningless until you give it a meaning.

 

And you will learn there are so many things we have created, all for nothingness.

 

You will learn that human behavior is just like a mad dog having fun, chasing after its own tail.

 

And you will learn, all things on earth are bipolar including humans and their flesh.

 

If you look around you will get to realised every things on earth is bipolar; left-right, in-out, up-down, top-bottom, black-white, positive-negative, feminine-masculine, god-devil, as above so below, etc.

 

Bipolar are everywhere and quite common if you look with a border perspective. I do not see anything wrong with unstable energy, trying to get through its transformation.

 

You will learned, water will not exist without hydrogen and oxygen combining the dance to create new element, energy and substance.

 

If you notices the nature around you. Bipolar is simply a union dance of the same thing in the opposite direction.

 

Bipolar is just someone's made up "pointing finger" perception. A narrow mindset, and short sight idea. Making up the story to make more money with drugs, fooling the fools who think humans are smarter than mother nature.

 

You will learn, humans are smart, very smart?

 

You will learn, bipolar is just a union dance of the same spinning coin that tries to find its stable state. That you can see this energy dance everywhere in the nature.

 

At my age of 55 years on earth. I cannot think of one thing that is not bipolar. Nothing on earth is unipolar. Even our earth is bipolar. She has two poles. North and South.

 

I do not see anything unique as we've been taught to believe. I only see a repeating patterns of action-reaction, copy and paste, monkey see monkey do, so to speak.

 

You will learn, nothing really unique, new or exciting as we were taught to believe when we were young. You will learn that the earth plain is quite dull and boring.

 

If you are conscious enough. You will know; bipolar is just another face of Yin-Yang energy, a two sides of the same coin with an opposite role play that somebody gives it a meaning. A label, to be a bad guy or a good guy. Who on earth giving all that energy this opposition role play and labels? Humans? Yes?

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You will learn as you age, that your task is not to be the good guy or the bad one in any story.

 

You will learn your task while being on earth is to balance your energy upon each circumstance so you don't trip yourself over or get off balance.

 

You will learn, any existence on earth needs balance or equilibrium or stable state of being. Whatever the label humans give it a name. Every little single thing on earth needs balance. Starting at the mitochondria in your cell;- the homeostasis.

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You will learn, you are one with mother nature. Your body is your guru. She could teach you anything and everything you need to know and want to if you are conscious enough and pay attention.

 

You will learn, how you perceive the situation and your surroundings is your reality, your truth not others.

 

You get to choose to see them with the light or the darkness. Positive or negative. Motivated or depressed. To encourage yourself or to suffer. To liberate or bondage. It's your choice.

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You will learn, if you give yourself a night or two to sleep over any questions you need to answer before making any decision. You will get the right answer for yourself.

 

You will learn that sleeping meditation during your bedtime for 15 minutes each day is a very healthy practice for your body, mind and soul.

 

You will learn, meditation will give you the answer for your highest good, to guide you along your paths. You did this while in bed since you're very young. You know your intuition is very strong and always on point. More so than me because you started at an earlier age. Keep listening to your inner guidance. You will find the answer within, not without.

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As you get older, you will learn honesty, sincerity and loyalty is a very expensive gift that you should not give it to anyone and everyone, especially the ones who do not value them and what you have to offer. Those people will drained you, wasting your time, energy and resources if you're not being selective of your surrounding.

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​And I hope you pass on these virtues and 5 precepts to your children if you ever have any. For your own good and those around you, far and wide after you left the planet.

 

These virtues and light energy you carry, will imprinted in your DNA and bring forth over life times.

 

So be caution when you intimate with anyone. Pick and choose wisely, as you will transfer and imprinted DNA on each others.

 

You do not want toxic DNA in your system or as little as possible, so you don't transfer that DNA and toxic traits to your offspring, do you?

 

And please alway carry 2 condoms and 5 precepts with you at all times whether your body yearning for happy hormones or not.

 

You don't know who is who, what is their intention and hind agenda. Who carry mental illness within. You will not know until you let them in your circles. So be aware. Do not let your hormones hijack your intelligent.

 

It's better to be safe than sorry with the consequences of your own doings (karma;- intentions, thoughts, words, actions). You do not know who carry STD or any diseases and mental illness within them.

 

Sugar and salt look alike that you will know what is which only when you take them in your mouth. Look closely. Pay attention of your surrounding.

 

No matter what environment you are in. You need to grow some thorns. Especially if you wanted to be a healer, on a one on one setting behind a closed door. You will need your guard up. Not to use them to hurt anyone. But using them to defend yourself from an entitled, greedy and toxic personality when need be.

 

But you also need to know who and when to let your guard down. What are the red flags, what is not. If you tune in. Your heart will tell you what is best for you.

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You need to learn to balance the energy being played, so you do not get trip over and off balance.

 

For the greater good of mankind, your self and those around you. You need to play both roles; a healer and a killer, a coin that has two sides. A warrior in your own garden. Not a gardener in someone else's war.

 

You need to learn to be your own peace maker, not a destroyer.

 

You need to learn that no one can save you but yourself. No one can and no one may. You yourself must walk the path.

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Learn from your mum. Not to follow her mistakes and missteps. Not to excuses that you got her and his DNA imprinted within you that you can't change anything.

 

She still has scars that you can touch and feel. Study and learn from that, so you can heal others, do better and be better than her, for your own happiness and future endeavours.

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If you want to find out who you are at your core. Keep meditating. You will get to know a lot of informations and answers to your questions when your mind is in total stillness.

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I as your mother, can only do so much to prepare you for your journey. No matter what it took me to get us here. I am grateful and feeling very lucky to have you and Pol, and be here with you both.

 

Thank you for staying true to yourself, speaking your mind, saying no to electro-mechanic field at the very early stage, not dragging us along to waste our time, energy, resources, everything in between and everyone's efforts to support your success. Thank you for your trust; sharing your feelings, being honest, clear, and direct with me, Albert. Keep it up.